Friday, September 26, 2008

Why I am voting McCain/Palin '08

Think of America as a vending machine. Complete economic and social collapse is a delicious candy bar dangling inside. We got that vending machine rocking back and forth pretty good. It's the end of the security guard's shift. If the guy taking over for him is just as inept and irresponsible, we're having candy for dinner tonight.

I guess this isn't what everyone wants. Most folks just want a secure job, house in the burbs, a couple kids. Me? I always imagined spending my adult years traveling with a nomadic motorgang across a post-apocalyptic wasteland, raiding small communities held out in desolate urban landscapes. We take their fuel to feed our vehicles, their women to increase our numbers, and their animal pelts to fashion worthy garments for our warrior queen.

This probably wouldn't happen under McCain, but how long could he last? If he was a carton of milk you would be sniffing him every morning before you pour him on your cereal.

So when he kicks it we get Palin. If she were to move to Washington DC from Alaska, not only would she travel over 5,000 miles, but also 4 hours into the future. After a day or two of trying to translate her experience as a hockey Mom to her role as leader of the free world people will probably just stop listening.

The Supreme Court justices will just walk around, padlocking government offices. Congress will spend their sessions learning Chinese. The Thunder Bandits (my motorgang) will offer Palin safe passage to our new republic in the Arizona desert, where we worship her as the bringer of the "New Tide", and we watch the system burn down around us.

It's going to be great. McCain/Palin '08!

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