Saturday, September 27, 2008

Wow, he didn't smile that big last night...weird.

In fact, a lot of people cited his inabilities to look the least bit not miserable or look Sen. Obama in the eye once as some of the reasons they felt he didn't do so great.

And I'd bet that he isn't smiling at all today. When the first little ad below that I wrote about yesterday afternoon (as in before the debate) popped up on the Washington Post site yesterday, it was probably a little embarrasing for at least a few people in the McCain camp.

(Thanks Wonkette for the pic again)

But I mean, it could have turned out okay, right?

But I'd go as far as to say that after the polls came out today in favor of Obama, it's gone past embarrassing, straight to just biting. Oops. Just a little reminder that words and phrases like "grumpy old man", "beligerant", and "dismissive" keep popping up and being used to describe non other than John McCain.

What could have maybe turned out okay, instead probably turned into someone in McCain's marketing department losing their job. Hey, I hear that Obama's people are still out registering voters if you need a job.

Read more On "Wow, he didn't smile that big last night...weird."!

Cafferty Nails Palin's Coffin Shut

I'm personally done talking about Palin. Jack Cafferty has said all that can be said. Required viewing below.
Read more On "Cafferty Nails Palin's Coffin Shut"!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Get to it people!

Don't forget about the McCain/Palin yard sign contest posted yesterday. This time around we are promising a prize so get your submissions in ASAP!

Read more On "Get to it people!"!

Oooh, it's a debate!

Daily Kos immediately picked up on my 2 favorite things of the evening so far.

#1: At least know how to say these guys' names, ass.

(photo cred:

#2: We noticed this, did you? Obama has one. Where is McCain's?

Also, how many old-timey phrases can McCain use in one debate?
1. festoon
2. parsing words

Feel free to add your own faves in the comments section.

Oh, yeah, and I get it McCain... you don't think Obama "gets it." You've said it at least a dozen times during this debate tonight. This coming from the guy who less than 2 weeks ago said that our economy was fundamentally strong and then less than 2 days ago put his campaign on hold to work on the economy, and then wrecked everything.

And lastly, Jim Leher, your eyes are huge and dark and swallow the souls of everyone watching. Read more On "Oooh, it's a debate!"!

one of the best conversations in the english language

Wanted to finally put something on here at least as a notice of intent to one day do so a little more regularly. This is an especially ridiculous conversation me and JE had earlier in regards to this link.

barack's breakfasts are awesome

ST: 4-6 eggs?
thats a big omelet

ST: must be nice to have all that egg money laying around, elitist bastard
he must have quite the nest egg ehh

JE: everymorning he has egg on his face

ST: sounds like an eggselent breakfast

JE: eating that many eggs is a bit eggstravagant

ST: i could eat like that if i hadnt counted my eggs before they hatched with the economy and all
i think he might be eggsagerating
JE: ...annnnd SCENE.

ST: what about eggzactly

JE: these are some funny yolks.
how is barack like an egg?

ST: idk

JE: they're both half whites

ST: yo
well the repubs do criticize him for being an egghead"

From here it degraded to a general frustration about the lack of puns in political journalism, I mean get it together WaPo editorial staff.

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This makes me laugh... and cry...

At first, this Wonkette article just seems funny.
For the win!
Thanks to Wonkette.

The funniest part is that even if this was put online by mistake, the fact that McCain even considered the possibility for a moment that his oratory skills could possibly overpower Obama's is laughable. I know conservatives who are voting McCain who admit that McCain isn't a very good speaker, especially when compared Obama.

It's like when a newspaper creates 2 covers with 2 different headlines, but this time, the paper ran the wrong headline on accident.

But the sad part is that there are voters out there paying so little attention that probably at least someone will think that this is real. Sadly, too, it would appear that McCain is might actually win this one by just flat out refusing to show up, but making people THINK he did.

It's funny how that is a trend in the Republican party these days: just refusing to show up and still winning small battles.

Palin's husband, assistant, etc refused to show up to court after a Republican-run committee still voted 3-2 (the Republican who voted with the 2 Dems was oddly enough from Wasilla...) to issue subpoenas in the Troopergate investigation. Normally, people are arrested when they refuse to follow the orders of subpoenas. Instead, Troopergate just fades into the background - at least until the election is over. Too bad this isn't even the most embarrassing thing to happen to Palin recently.

UPDATE: According to a new article on CNN posted 13 min. ago, McCain will attend the debate, unless his private jet breaks down on the way there or someone shakes Cindy's hand a little too hard again and they have to go to the emergency room, because you know, they have health care so they can afford to do that.
Read more On "This makes me laugh... and cry..."!

Live Video Feed from U.S. Senate's Basement Rumpus Room

John McCain has been doing this while yelling "I'm helping! I'm helping!" since the House GOP stormed out of bailout talks last night. Perhaps everyone can go back to the agreement reached yesterday after the lil' guy tuckers out and John Boehner carries him off to bed. Read more On "Live Video Feed from U.S. Senate's Basement Rumpus Room"!

John McCain to be Elected President of Alaska

This was his plan all along. The sub-zero temperatures will slow his reptilian metabolism to a crawl, enabling him to rule with a frozen fist for decades. Read more On "John McCain to be Elected President of Alaska"!

McCain's brain turns into a turd and Couric looks like she smells Sarahcuda's dirty diaper.

Well folks, JMac has really done it this time. Instead of "keeping presidential campaign politics out of the economic crisis" like Obama suggested, McCain swooped in to D.C. in a last ditch effort to stall the bailout just long enough to have a reason not to show up to the debate. But I mean, we all know he is the economic guru of our time, all while sitting completely silent for 40 straight minutes, a mere spectator in the meeting he actually called together about the end of the world.

McCain is so used to overtaxing the middle class, you'd think that he'd be on board with this bailout plan where the middle class would once again be shouldering the burden of the overpayed, undertaxed morons who rule ruin the world one crooked trade at a time.

But don't worry, SuperPalin will swoop and save the world as evidenced by her ever-composed interview with Katie Couric:

My favorite seconds lie around 0:54 when there are some long moments of silence, some might even say composure. I wouldn't. I'd call it not knowing what to say before deferring to repeating EXACTLY what she just said about 15 seconds before.

Then around the 2:10 mark where she says that the America is waiting to see what McCain is going to do. I'd say we're waiting for anyone to do anything at this point. "Inaction is not an option", but I'd say that is what McCain is doing right now.

Not to alarm the American public so that we all make sure to pull our money out of our respective banks, but:

"...crisis moment..." whoa. Deep.
Then, talking point 1, talking point 2, talking point 3... get those key words in Sarah. Vocab! Vocab!

Maybe this is what Bush was talking about when he said, "If money isn't loosened up, this sucker could go down."

Or what US Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson was in fear of when he got "literally down on one knee, begging Ms Pelosi to help push through the bail-out package."

and finally:

words words PUTIN words AIR SPACE words words words MARITIME BORDER

Read more On "McCain's brain turns into a turd and Couric looks like she smells Sarahcuda's dirty diaper."!

Why I am voting McCain/Palin '08

Think of America as a vending machine. Complete economic and social collapse is a delicious candy bar dangling inside. We got that vending machine rocking back and forth pretty good. It's the end of the security guard's shift. If the guy taking over for him is just as inept and irresponsible, we're having candy for dinner tonight.

I guess this isn't what everyone wants. Most folks just want a secure job, house in the burbs, a couple kids. Me? I always imagined spending my adult years traveling with a nomadic motorgang across a post-apocalyptic wasteland, raiding small communities held out in desolate urban landscapes. We take their fuel to feed our vehicles, their women to increase our numbers, and their animal pelts to fashion worthy garments for our warrior queen.

This probably wouldn't happen under McCain, but how long could he last? If he was a carton of milk you would be sniffing him every morning before you pour him on your cereal.

So when he kicks it we get Palin. If she were to move to Washington DC from Alaska, not only would she travel over 5,000 miles, but also 4 hours into the future. After a day or two of trying to translate her experience as a hockey Mom to her role as leader of the free world people will probably just stop listening.

The Supreme Court justices will just walk around, padlocking government offices. Congress will spend their sessions learning Chinese. The Thunder Bandits (my motorgang) will offer Palin safe passage to our new republic in the Arizona desert, where we worship her as the bringer of the "New Tide", and we watch the system burn down around us.

It's going to be great. McCain/Palin '08!

Read more On "Why I am voting McCain/Palin '08"!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Photoshop Phun: McCain Yard Sign Edition

McCain/Palin sign making contest! You can find the blank sign here. Upload your sign in the comments or something email your sign to me at and maybe the winner will get a prize or probably not. All submissions will be posted at a later date.
Special thanks to 5 Oclock Shadow of dailykos for the blank sign graphic.
Oh, and if you have some fancypants design program that will have it, Optima Bold is the actual font to use. Have fun... Read more On "Photoshop Phun: McCain Yard Sign Edition"!

I can't get a god damn thing done on the internet anymore.

straight cred to

Whatever I planned to accomplish this morning, it went right out the window once I found Dan Lacey's "Sarah Palin with a pancake on her head".

What is this spell Palin has over me? Why do her images haunt me so? I can't even run a Google search for a very specific type of pornography without coming across a picture of Palin, laughing, mouth agape, with pancakes on her head, in a perverse interpretation of my search terms.

I hope Obama offers Palin a position in his administration, just so America gets to see that spunky face of her's once in a while. Maybe she could head the bureau of alcohol, tobacco, and firearms. I love republican views on those things. I want to start this promotional program where you can save Jack Daniels bottle tops and exchange a specified quantity for an assault rifle, but the Jack Daniels tell me that idea is pretty illegal right now and the best they can offer me for all my bottle tops is a hat.

Damn, am I hungry for some pancakes.
Read more On "I can't get a god damn thing done on the internet anymore."!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Louisiana Reminds You to Spay and Neuter Your Poor People

It's always nice to see a Republican lawmaker supporting funding for birth control, but is this a contraceptive to far? Louisiana state representative John LaBruzzo,(R)-Metaire, is working on a proposal to offer $1,000 to low income women who agree to have their tubes tied. Can't we just put something in Sunny D or Slim Jims or whatever poor people are consuming these days and save all that money for more important things, like giving it to the rich? Oh, nevermind. LaBruzzo has got that covered too. His proposal would also include tax incentives for people with college educations and higher incomes to have more children. Guess what demographics LaBruzzo falls into, that sly dog. Wouldn't that make LaBruzzo a whore for being paid for his elitist sexy times, and his own pimp for setting up the deal?

"It's easy to say, 'Oh, he's a racist, ' " LaBruzzo said.
It is pretty easy, especially when this guy represents the district that spawned David Duke, another dude who is just full of ideas.
It's too late to create the master race Louisiana, mainly because YOU ARE LOUISIANA. Read more On "Louisiana Reminds You to Spay and Neuter Your Poor People"!

U.S. Tap Water: Fortified with ROCKET FUEL

Yes, delicious rocket fuel. I believe our tap water now qualifies as an extreme energy drink. Unfortunately percholarate--the rocket fuel chemical ingredient in question--won't give you wings like Red Bull or even make your sweat glow green like a gatorade commercial. Instead it harms human thyroid glands and interferes with mental and physical development in fetuses and infants. X-Treme! Sounds pretty bad, but the EPA has told us to stop being such a nation of whiners and fill up our bisphenol-A laced Nalgene bottles (because the plastics industry lob--*cough* I mean FDA, says that's safe too) with our super water and LIKE IT. Read more On "U.S. Tap Water: Fortified with ROCKET FUEL"!

Palin poised to strike

some guy's face.

I'm sure CNN's article about Palin's noncompliance with the Alaskan legislature's investigation and the hiding of evidence regarding, blah blah blah, was very important, but damn doesn't that picture catch the eye.

The only times a woman has looked at me like that, she was about to do something really bad, or really good to me.

I'm sure this picture is simply a transitional expression, a half smile if you will, but you know Palin has that look in her repertoire somewhere.

I can't even look at it for an extended period of time. I kept loading, trying to the right picture of Clay Aiken talking about super gay he is, which I was going to photoshop it into this picture of a scene from Transformers, but Palin kept scaring me away and now I can't even remember what the point of the Aiken/Transformers thing was going to be.

Thank you CNN and Getty Images for this great photo. I'm sure the internet will find many uses for it in the months to come.
Read more On "Palin poised to strike"!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Other Half

Driving home from work today, I heard an ad for the new 90210- AWESOME, I know. It billed the show as "Watching how the other half" lived. Psh. Beverly Hills is SO CrAzY! RIGHT?!? Well driving TO work was a different story.....

The "Other Half" this morning was not about Kelly and Brenda (dude Brenda SUCKS). It was
"I bet listeners can't guess who the most expensive member of Congress is"-Radio DJ
"John Kerry"- RK

Weighing in at $230 big ones, Mr. Ketchup could buy and sell the entire ZIP code of 90210. But he's from the party that connects with "real" people; not John McCain and his multi-house mafia (BTW Big Mac didn't even make the top 10... He was Lucky #13 right above the lovely McCaskill). Sixty percent of the top 10 were from the same party complaining that McCain is too wealthy. I mean , he's no Ted Kennedy ($47.62) or Jay Rockefeller ($80.40)- both in the top ten, but $19.64 mil is nothing to scoff at.
Math was never really my thing, but I'm beginning to think that if you added up the worth of Congress, we could raise $700 billion to bail out Wall Street; because that's the smart thing to do, right?
Or you could buy about 30.5 John Kerry's.
Life is full of tough decisions.
Good thing "the other half" of America is there to tackle it.
Read more On "The Other Half"!

Baby When the Lights Go Out....

Remember a few weeks ago when this is all you saw on TV?

Well the cities of Houston and Galveston STILL can't see that. Wanna know why? Because the majority of SE Texas is still without electricity. That's right. Day 11. But don't worry because Geraldo and Anderson Cooper got their money shots and then left. And McCain and Obama said their thing and then shut up. And some local politicians visited Texas.... but they soon left to go back to their air conditioned homes with cable and internet, while the coast as far inland as 70 miles is still powerless; literally.
What does this mean? It means that schools are canceled indefinitely. It means Houston has a curfew because there are no streetlights to light up the debris-covered roads. It means that people can't eat fresh food because they can't keep produce, meat or dairy without refrigeration. It means that they can't watch TV to see how America has neglected to cover the aftermath of Ike.
What are they reporting about? Well here's this tidbit from
There's a shocker.

God Bless American Media!

Read more On "Baby When the Lights Go Out...."!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Joe Biden's Secrets Revealed!

Well known: Joe Biden has had a hair transplant.

Not well known: from his back.

Joe Biden currently has the lowest net worth of any Senator. Before 1994, Biden was the 5th wealthiest Senator. He, like many Americans, made foolish investments during the Beanie Baby craze.

Biden can crush 2 walnuts at a time in his "knee-pit".

In his first year of law school, Biden was accused of plagiarizing portions of an article written for the Syracuse Law Review. Biden attributed the mistake to his ignorance of citation rules, his inexperience using the time machine he invented in undergrad, and his underestimation of Thomas Jefferson's tolerance for wine.

Biden has commuted, by train, from Wilmington Delaware to Washington DC, every day since 1972. He has a reserved seat on that train. It is a saddle, bolted to the roof.

Biden is well known for making public gaffes. One of his most famous:

Reporter: "Are you aware you are well know for making public gaffes?"

Biden: "Gaffes? Is the your homo-way of saying I like to use the word 'cunt' in my speeches?"

Biden has a lifetime 86% scoring from the ACLU, regarding his alignment with their issues. He has overall moderate views, but has consistently voted to take guns away from police officers and in favor of mandatory abortions for white women.

Biden is recognized by the color of his hair. On September 27, 1980 it turned from jet black to white, within 10 minutes of his learning of the death of Led Zeppelin drummer John Bonham.

Biden's nickname in the senate is "The Barn Owl". It has little to do with his legislative technique, but everything to do with his "spirit animal", encountered during a 4 day metaphysical journey he took though the senate chambers, after eating hallucinogenic cacti.

Read more On "Joe Biden's Secrets Revealed!"!

Humane Society Endorses Obama, Seals up "Cat Lady" Vote

Normally the Humane Society Legislative Fund stays out of presidential politics, but once again we see this is no normal election year. The McCain/Palin ticket is so disturbing on animal welfare issues that the Humane Society has come out in full support of Obama, pictured here holding Baby, a three legged survivor of the kind of puppy mills he has worked towards shutting down.
The press release issued by the Humane Society Legislative Fund reads:
As an Illinois state senator, he backed at least a dozen animal protection laws, including those to strengthen the penalties for animal cruelty, to help animal shelters, to promote spaying and neutering, and to ban the slaughter of horses for human consumption. In the U.S. Senate, he has consistently co-sponsored multiple bills to combat animal fighting and horse slaughter, and has supported efforts to increase funding for adequate enforcement of the Animal Welfare Act, Humane Methods of Slaughter Act, and federal laws to combat animal fighting and puppy mills.

On Joe Biden:
Importantly, Obama's running mate, Sen. Joe Biden (D-Del.) has been a stalwart friend of animal welfare advocates in the Senate, and has received high marks year after year on the Humane Scorecard. Biden has not only supported animal protection legislation during his career, but has also led the fight on important issues. He was the co-author with Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.) in the 108th Congress on legislation to ban the netting of dolphins by commercial tuna fishermen. He was the lead author of a bill in the 107th Congress to prohibit trophy hunting of captive exotic mammals in fenced enclosures, and he successfully passed the bill through the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Mccain and Palin did not return the HSLF's questionnaire, but their records speak for themselves. While McCain has worked to stop horse slaughter and end subsidies for the fur industry, he has remained silent on many other animal welfare issues in the senate, most recently on the treatment of downed cattle. He's set to deliver the keynote address this coming weekend at U.S Sportsmen's Alliance rally. The U.S. Sportsmen's alliance isn't your typical hunting organization, it is an "extremist organization that defends the trophy hunting of threatened polar bears and captive shooting of tame animals inside fenced pens." Did John and Sarah bond over their mutual hatred of polar bears?
While McCain's animal welfare record is merely "meh", Sarah Palin really sent the HSLF over the edge with her views. The HSLF claims that "her record is so extreme that she has perhaps done more harm to animals than any other current governor in the United States."
Here's a summary of the trail of blood Palin has left smeared across Alaska on her way to the lower 48.
  • "Palin engineered a campaign of shooting predators from airplanes and helicopters, in order to artificially boost the populations of moose and caribou for trophy hunters." This is a practice that Congress is working to stop with the Protect America's Wildlife act. But hey, they're just Washington insiders that need some "shakin' up" right?
  • Offered a $150 dollar bounty for every wolf paw brought in by hunters.
  • Even though the people of Alaska twice voted against this practice, Palin managed to spend $400,000 worth of public funds on brochures and radio ads advocating aerial hunting.
  • Is an Ally to Safari Club International, a radical hunting group that advocates the use of steel leg traps, bear baiting, and captive animal trophy hunts that REAL hunters find inhumane and non-sporting.
  • Is suing the to stop the placement of polar bears on the federal endangered species list. She doesn't believe in science showing that the polar bear's habitat is decreasing due to ice melt (or any science really, but that's a whole other story).
If the greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated, as Mahatma Gandhi would have us believe, what can be said about a nation that would elect John McCain and Sarah Palin in November?
Read more On "Humane Society Endorses Obama, Seals up "Cat Lady" Vote"!

Obama's Got a Pretty Big Tank

So McCain's top aides had a conference call today to lie about lying, and complain about media outlets being "in the tank" for Obama. Later, Ben Smith from Politico called McCain's camp out on the embellishments they like to tack on fairly negative things that are basically true about Obama and Biden. Smith calls it "gilding the lily", which coincidentally is the old-timey euphemism John McCain prefers for an act that has not been performed within the confines of his Sedona compound in many a moon.
When Smith--by all accounts a fairly impartial journalist--asked for clarification of statements made in the conference call, McCain aide Brian Rogers answered, "You are in the tank."
True, many journalists covering this campaign are "in the tank", the drunk tank. It's become a necessary coping mechanism. Here's to getting tanked, in our tanks (for Obama). Read more On "Obama's Got a Pretty Big Tank"!

Gore May Have an Oscar but Palin's got Three Emmys

Welcome to America, where celebrity means politician; right? That's what Big Mac tells us! On that note, I'd like to take this time to congratulate Sarah Palin on her three wins for 30 Rock last night. She looked amazing, didn't she? You know who doesn't have Emmys? Obama. And Biden.

Read more On "Gore May Have an Oscar but Palin's got Three Emmys"!

State Polling for 9/21

From FiveThirtyEight, the excellent poll clearinghouse to which I lose nearly an hour of my time every day:

Ohio is a bit disturbing, until you notice that this poll was conducted before the concept of free markets committed sepuku and McCain's numbers plummeted along with the Dow.
What's more unsettling is Minnesota at only +1 to Obama. This poll isn't a statistical outlier, but part of a trend that's shown anywhere from a tie to a mere 2 point lead for Obama. What are the people of Lake Woebegone thinking? Are they just enchanted by Sarah Palin's upper midwestern accented siren's song? Garrison Keillor seems to be unavailable for comment at this time.
North Carolina showing a tie is very encouraging though. Survey USA had this state as +20 McCain back on 9/7! Could this massive momentum shift carry over into neighboring Virginia as well? I'd trade North Carolina's 15 electoral votes for Minnesota's 10 if need be, but I won't like it.
Read more On "State Polling for 9/21"!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

That's right GM factory workers! The economy is great! So shut up!

Afterwards, McCain visited a cancer ward and told the patients their doctors were full of shit. Then laid out his plan to take away their chemotherapy treatments.

It's really Obama's fault. McCain was just referencing his speech to the same workers the previous week. Obama told them they were dirty grease monkeys, who were ruining the economy and should have been aborted 10 minutes after they were born.

I guess a few of those dirty grease monkeys just happened to agree with him.
Read more On "That's right GM factory workers! The economy is great! So shut up!"!

Great CEO = Great President?

Carly Fiorina, a McCain spokesperson came under fire last week for her assertion that none of the candidates for president or vice president would make a good CEO. (She also called the Tina Fey as Palin SNL skit sexist, so she’s an idiot).

Much of the response to her comments that I’ve read point to her failed experience as a CEO herself but I have a different question to pose: Do we want a president with all the qualities that make a great CEO?

My first impulse was hell, no! CEOs work in a capitalist system with profit being the only measurment of success. Or current president is too soft on business and what would work for a CEO (no or severely limited regulation) certainly doesn’t work for the country (ex. our current state of affairs).

Then I really started to digest the question… As I tried to define what makes a great CEO, I came across this blog post, incidentally called “What Make a Great CEO.”

It outlines 7 attributes including Vision, Passion, Long Term thinking and Ethics. It became clear to me that the same things that make a leader great whether it be in business, academia, or politics.

Using the attributes proposed by the above article, it becomes even more clear who to choose on November 4.

Read more On "Great CEO = Great President?"!

The Latest Sarah Palin Rumors!

Have you heard the latest Sarah Palin rumors? Probably not, because I am making them up right now, as I type. Here you go:

Sarah Palin has two rows of bottom teeth.

Sarah Palin has recently popularized the high neckline suit jacket for women, which she wears to hide the "Property of the Anchorage Mara Salvatrucha-13" tattoo on her collar bone.

Alaskans do not have an accent. The most common way of acquiring the nasally tinge Palin speaks with is consuming a lot of cheap blow.

The Alaskan Independence Party, of which Palin was a member, promotes the secession of Alaska from the United States. It cites such issues as economic regulation, land management, and the most common reason states secede from the union, slavery.

When illustrating Palin's executive experience, reference is often made to her 6 years as mayor of Wasilla Alaska. A town with a population smaller than the high school I went to. (actually, this one is a well substantiated fact.)

Citing precedent, set forth by spouses of former Alaskan governors, Sarah makes Todd Palin pee sitting down.

Sarah Palin, in the 80's, made money on bar bets by inserting a cherry stem up her "lady parts" and tying it into a knot. This is the source of 2 controversies. 1) Sources have come forward alleging she stuck an already knotted cherry stem up her "lady parts" before she would go out for the evening. 2) She has never reported this income on her tax forms.

During the Exxon Valdez oil spill crisis, Sarah Palin, using connections made through the Wasilla school district PTA, borrowed a penguin from the Anchorage zoo, covered it in oil, and arranged photo opps showing her cleaning and nursing it back to health. Against the advice of Greenpeace volunteers at the scene, Palin then returned the penguin to the ocean, where it was quickly covered in oil from the slick which had not yet dissipated. The penguin soon died. It was soon after realized, penguins are not native to Alaska. Palin, humiliated by the experience, declared war on nature.

Sarah Palin, a journalism major in college, does not know what a gerund is, nor how to find out what a gerund is.

Sarah Palin is touted as a standout basketball star, a point guard and team captain at Wasilla High School. However, official national high school basketball statistical records place an asterisk next to her name, as well as many other Alaskan high school basketball players, which notates: never played against any black people.

Read more On "The Latest Sarah Palin Rumors!"!

Obama's Momma Said Knock You Out

This video may be a bit long at 8 minutes, but it is just too good not to stick with all the way through. Highlights are just before the 4 minute mark, when our anonymous angry preacher breaks the all time "mommas" per second record, and also near the end where some incomprehensible shit is spewed about Wolf Blitzer's Satanist kids sodomizing Chris Matthews' gay babies on Facebook. Mind=Blown.
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